After a day of being padded around the city, peeing himself at restaurants, on streets, and in cabs, sometimes @miamiabdl needs a little help making stickies in his soaked diaper when his hands are otherwise, um, unavailable…
Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters
they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
“Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
“He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
“It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
“If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”
And, of course:
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”
the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.
I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.
You’re this millennia old god devouring, universe ending, legend, you’re literally so powerful that no one comes and challenges you anymore like it’s just the way things are. No ones like “man I bet I could take aldrich and dethrone him” because that’s just not a thought that crosses anyone’s mind. Your powers are beyond compare.
Then one day this skinny loincloth wearing ass naked little shit named fartmancer or something comes through with a pyromancied +7 great sword and tanks you in like three minutes. Your attacks don’t even phase him. Spells that have felled armies in one swoop are casually barrel rolled. Weapons that have slain gods are being raised against this dude and he’s just eating every hit like it’s breakfast.
Then when you die like the bitch that you apparently are??? he takes your hundred thousand souls and then loses them to a sentient pile of piss outside. They’re not even gonna be spent they’re just gone forever. And he doesn’t even care. They meant nothing to him.
